Wednesday, 27 April 2016

#DickShaming VS #SlutShaming

#DickShaming VS #SlutShaming


Before i thought to commence my blog was in dual minds to voice my self on  #DickShaming. I was in dual minds as being a men i had my ownreservations , As the plight i had to undergo would generate any empathy. Will i sound like a laughing stock , or would i be ever able to voice out my agony. Would their be any takers of #dickshaming as people sensationalise & sensitise only with #SlutShaming . Would any help be available or any forum which could appreciate what a men has to undergo if he faces #Dick Shaming. 

The Incident - 
New to the the town it was my first day in Ahmedabad in my new job & thankfully i had a known acquaintance in the city, Exited about the cultural heritage & warmth of the people i was thrilled to make my self comfortable. The First task was to search a house on rent. Now i am a single person & its customary to seek services of agent for getting a house on rent. The search began in this ecstatic city of Dhokla & khakra , exquisite dishes & rich cultural heritage . Then i followed the agent contacts provided by my acquaintance.  Looking for a typical 2 bhk flat for myself started exploring societies. 

Kept looking around for flats in locations near by my office,i shortlisted some & appointment were fixed with owners now the moment the Landlord came to know that i am Single Male the warmth disappeared & had to face the hard reality. " We dont offer Flat to Single Male" . " The Society doesnot allows Single male as resident" .  All of sudden my heart sank as why the respose is like that , The agent meanwhile informed me that he has serviced few flats in the same society to girls & land lords / land lady were more than happy to welcome them as tenant. My credential as Manager in a reputed Company , rich experience & references were shown the gate. the shock & trauma of rejection on the grounds of gender was quite embarrassing. I felt like melting as to what the hell was happening to me. Men have to be stone heart when they face such absurd situation. They are expected to have a gumption to deal with such situation. 

Finally tired of search i had to request my acquaintance for support. Infact he suggested a newly built house for his relative & offered me for rent. Alas i had some piece of mind. I thanked him for his courtesy. we agreed on the terms & i moved back to Kolkatta to collect all my  belongings. My cell rang one afternoon while i was busy packing,i was happy to see the call of my acquaintance as he had to confirm arrangements of electrical fitments in my new house. An apology emerged from the other side & i was intimated that the society has refused to allow a "Single male." as tenant. Now this was high point as for house search i had spend almost 20 thousand on air fare from hotel stay . you can only claim that once during your house search. I was shattered & dejected . embarrassed & ashamed . i felt like crying but men are not supposed to shed tears . and even if you do so their are no takers for you. I was back to square one with my truck on doorsteps and material was up for picking by transport agency. 

Loaded my stuff in truck and  i knew it would take 7 days or so to reach adi from kol . So now i had to travel on my own and this time it had to be on my own expense. Already i had paid a handsome amount to transporter & was starved of cash , eventually i had to take a train & 36 hours of journey to reach back. Now the tough ask was to get accommodated . I would not find a society in the City & agent suggested me to look for new scheme of flats on the outer part of city . Left with no other choice i had to settle for one extremely new apartment. why i could get hold of one was the 48 apartment building had less than 10 families occupied & even the Landlord had no choice to offer it to someone like me. Although i am extremely grateful to him for letting me in. 

Things started settling for me and i started getting used my new residential abode, the occupancy kept improving & in next 3 months almost half of flats got occupied. This part of country as usual remains hot in most of the season & one fine morning as usual i in my T's & boxer short kicked my bike , the ignition sparked the engine & when i was about to reach the gates , An elderly gentle men from the building was waving. i though he might be needing some help & stopped by. the person approached me with a flat face & showed his annoyance on my appearance in " Boxers Shorts ",  he felt otherwise that the attire is inappropriate in society & young lad like me should wear appropriately . 
Now this was pushing me around corners , i felt like arguing with this person but i was dejected & felt ashamed, i could not forget my plight & fight to gather a roof on my head. i gathered some courage & remarked , KAKA( Uncle) just visit any shopping mall once & have a look on the hot pants . Will you ever dare calling them. I had to take his advice & return back to pull my track pants & went for the milk. 

The mental trauma was at its high, i found the remark extremely sexist & heart wrecking. I started wondering what wrong have  i done being born a men. Just came across an article where a post by TOI went viral stating the saga of a Bangalore girl , who expressed her agony on facebook over an auto driver suggesting her inappropriate dressing for wearing a summer skirt. The news became viral for #SlutShaming the girl . Her story on Social media started taking rounds , help started poring in from leading feminist organisation to Commisioner of police bangalore . Where even without knowing the facts of the case & just on the one sided story , the girls word was taken as gospel of truth. 

i could figure out the other side of story from this blog as well. The author not a renowned media person although dared to speak his mind.

My agitated mind started raising questions , 

if the story of the girl considered true is #SLUTSHAMING whats my experience supposed to be ?? Is it not #DICKSHAMING??

Would any media dare to raise my plight  as #DICKSHAMING ??

Hows my plight different from hers ?? 

Can any NGO or CP will ever reach me out??

Can i ever be able to initiate any leagl action if i am #DICKSHAMED??
What legal rights do i have??

If this isnt a gender bias then what is it?? when the entire world talks of equality.

Her Body is #HERCHOICE  , Will My Body Be ever #MYCHOICE , She has #RIGHTTOBLEED  Will i have #RIGHTOFROOF??

Last but not the least Do i have right to be heard on #DICKSHAMING. ?? 

Here i dare to raise my voice 

Comment back IF you have answer to #DICKSHAMING VS #SLUTSHAMING.

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  1. This is very true... Single men rarely get a decent accommodation in Ahmedabad and even though they get, the rent charged is abnormally high as compared to families or ladies... That's very disheartening and always gives a feeling of a favour being done to you....

  2. V well written Amit, many society/ apartments in ahmedabad now don't give accommodation to singles either male or female. And many people say , single girls/ women make more trouble than single boys/ men.

  3. V well written Amit, many society/ apartments in ahmedabad now don't give accommodation to singles either male or female. And many people say , single girls/ women make more trouble than single boys/ men.